Confused Spectator

My Fear, My Enthusiasm, My Love, My Life...


Last friday I spoke to him, and he shared his plan with me. What is he thinking about our marriage and all. These things have really made me excited, can't wait, can't control my feeling, my self...for that matter....Still have to wait for atleast 10months, for any further move. This wait seems to be unending,please somebody tell me..what has happened to me... =). It not for the first time he is staying away from me, he is already thr, in sydney, for almost 18months, but these rest of months seems to be perpetual.

I am thankful to god for the happiness and to rohit, who considered me to be a part of his life. I am not trying to be too orthodox about the whole issue, but am considering this thing, because he has not only saved me from being presented as a show piece in front of random people but has also given a relaxed feeling to my parents. Now they are not worried about anything, atleast the procedure of finding grooms is a big task,at least in India..And we all know about it.

Anyways, I am not here to praise my self, or show to any kinda attitude to people,about the whole thing, coz I know what people usually think about it, only few days back,an incident happened with me. I was out with my brother,was having a good time, and incidently we started about rohit, bhai said that when he told his friends about my committment, he friends said that he is lucky, and my parents too...coz not every girls gets a chance to find life partners so easily..And I really felt confused, shall I be happy and proud for what ever the situation is,or unhappy, coz, thr are gals who every now and then, get into the whole process of presenting themselves in front of random people, try to be happy,even if they are not. This seems to be a rule, and all should adhere to it...There parents worried about their marriages and all.I really want to pray to the god, to help them, give them a support and love, love which is their right. Every daughter's right, right of every child, be it girl or a boy.

Anyways, want to share my feeling about the wait, that I still have to do, I always ask him to come back as soon as possible. I know he is working their for me, want to come back for me, wants to spend his life with me. But whenever I come across people who are together, I always have a feeling of jealousy, at times I become scared about it, nerves too ask strangely,nervousness is what I feel.

I was watching a movie today, I am sure people must have seen it, some people liked it, some didn't. But my personal propound is,that people should watch the movie atleast once....Its "Vivah"..While watching, every moment I was thinking about chiya, who is actually we sweet, caring, nice, generous, loving, understanding, and the list is endless.. Was thinking about the whole thing, how things will be, when we will get married. And also, I would like to mention a little bit about a small incident I read about true love, How age can never decrease the love, It happens from the bottom of the heart, and heart can never be old, infact it becomes younger day by day, with the love, with the experience. And also helps us to be strong, be ourselves. (Atleast thats what I feel, I hope, I am not wrong..)

Well, while discussing about it with friends, makes me more worried and relaxed at the same time. Really feel like crying, but find it difficult, to understand myself, that I want to cry because m happy, or because m worried....Confused......completely..... :)

I LOVE YOU, CHIYA.......I LOVE YOU MORE THAN MYSELF........

Finally, I want to thank people around me,who have really helped me, supported me. My friends, my mentor, my people.........and wana say...

"Let the love stay forever in everyone's life....!!!!!!!!!"
Amen....... :)